Sex by Numbers

cover12smallThe day after Lucie Maddox’s husband James announces, “It’s not working,” and that he’s leaving her after the best part of thirty years of supposedly monogamous marriage, she finds a magazine article suggesting that she’s been living like a nun. In particular, she reads that the average woman has had thirteen partners by the time she’s fifty. At forty-nine, she’s only had two, and the first hardly counted.
That evening, she finds some pornographic videos on James’s computer, which serves as even more of an eye opener.
Her best friend Jenny guides her towards the uncharted waters of Internet dating, so beginning a truly rollercoaster education. Be warned, this novel contains strong language and explicit sex scenes.
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“A corker of a book.”



Tilly Lake’s Road Trip

roadtripsmallAs a child, Tilly dreamt that Prince Charming would drive her around Britain in a pink car. At nineteen she married John Lake. When she was fifty-eight, John was found dead in a hotel room wearing nothing but a condom. Using the life insurance money, Tilly buys an American car (black, not pink), hires a twenty-five year old Welshman (who is short, dark and handsome), and sets off to fulfil her childhood dream.
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“Great read, great characters, great fun.”



Flying Lessons

A love story of sortsWhen Swann was referred to the psychiatric clinic for assessment, he assumed it would be purely routine. But then he met Alison.
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“Magical” “Left field” “Recommended!”

“Brilliant plot and I loved the blend of emotion and humour.”




Ernestine And Walter

amazoncoverErnestine runs a pasty shop in the Cornish town of St Ives. Walter is Mrs Trewednack’s cat, who likes to sit on the windowsill, and beg for fishy titbits when the fishermen come in to buy their pasties for lunch.
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“The cat’s meow.”




Kissing The Abyss

Colin’s life wasn’t going well, until he found a mermaid.

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Short story.




When Jane Jones finds out about her husband’s affairs, she sets out to get her own back by sleeping with Andrew. However, that turns out just to be the start.

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Short story.



Life After Pole Dancing

Angela Parker thinks that gin is a vitamin and that a stuffed olive counts as two of her five a day. On the same day as she loses her job as a topless pole dancer, she meets Geoffrey, a young curate, and they watch four people dragging a body away. That’s just the start. Contains strong language and sex scenes.

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“A warm, funny, and life-affirming read.”


Where Love Takes You
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Evelyn and Tammy meet two handsome Englishmen at a ceremony to present Henry with an award in Oregon, and a brief romance ensues, cut short when the men return to Britain. However, an offer from a developer to buy the women’s farms gives the two women the chance to travel, and Henry the chance to race in England.

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Saving the planet (again)

Light bulbs used to be simple. A bit of wire in a glass container, which got hot and glowed when you put electricity through it, like a miniature electric fire. They weren’t terribly reliable, and sometimes when they failed they plunged the house into darkness by taking a fuse with them, but they were a big improvement over oil lamps. They were also cheap, so their lack of longevity wasn’t much of a problem. You just threw the old one away and put in a new one. They weren’t even terribly polluting – just a bit of metal, a bit of ceramic, and some glass. Pretty much what the earth is made of.

However, progress is progress, so we had to move on, to the new energy saving light bulbs. Unlike the old tungsten filament bulbs, which you could see working, it was anyone’s guess how the new ones worked. They didn’t have a filament, and they didn’t get hot. They were also supposed to last much longer. Eleven years, according to the box from the one I changed yesterday. It replaced an identical energy saving light bulb, and I know for a fact that it hadn’t lasted eleven years, because that particular light fitting has only been over the kitchen table for the past three. I don’t even use it all that often, preferring to eat by candlelight. Never mind, the new bulbs are good for the rainforest, I expect, or giraffes, or Antarctica. They probably require more in the way of energy to make than the old ones did, and they do contain quite a lot of plastic besides the metal and glass, but that probably doesn’t matter. We can dispose of them in an environmentally friendly way.

Don't you dare

Don’t you dare

The box, being made of cardboard, can be put out with the rest of the cardboard for doorstep recycling. The bulb has a helpful little symbol on the plastic, telling me not to put it in the wheelie bin. Being a Goody Two Shoes, I drive the eight miles to the recycling centre in my environmentally friendly Jag, and I throw the light bulb into whichever of the big metal bins the bloke on the kerbside directs me to. One of the blokes there used to have a Jag like mine, manual gearbox and all, when they first came out, so we sometimes have a bit of a chat about cars before I drive the eight miles home again. If I’m feeling particularly in charity with the environment, I might even make a detour to Morrison’s, to buy a couple more low energy light bulbs. They’re a lot more expensive than the old ones, but who cares, we’re saving the planet.

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